Getting old....

I got the biopsy results back and they are completely normal. Thank goodness. Honestly though, I wasn't worried. I just want to figure out what's going on with my wonky cycles.

Turns out.....................

I am in peri-menopause. WTF!!! Yeah, in other words, I am getting old. Hello!!!! I have two older sisters and THEY aren't slipping into early menopause!!! (Jealousy is an ugly thing!)

They put me on "the pill". HAHAHA! I haven't taken the pill in 12 years!

In fact, I was rather embarrassed picking it up at the pharmacy yesterday. I leaned on the counter and tried to look like a cool horny babe. In reality, just a psycho old chick trying desperately to hold onto her youth.

Jazz hands!

Well, the paperwork is being processed, I have taken my ONLINE CPR renewal. HAHAHAHA! (I think that is so funny!) Today I paid for my insurance. I am officially an instructor again! Wooooo!

I have already gotten a call about a sub job, so that is awesome!

Here is the only picture I could find of me actually demonstrating Jazz Hands...kinda out of context, but it's funny.

Uterus for sale!

Does anyone need a uterus? I really don't want or need mine anymore! Honestly, it's just a major pain in the ass!

I went to the GYN recently to figure out why my uterus is being so annoying and she decided she wanted a little piece of it! WTF?! TODAY??? NOW???? (Thank God I shaved my legs!) How the hell are you going to get it?

Needless to say, it was a VERY uncomfortable procedure that I am not anxious to repeat.

I know I have had four children. Many people have seen the hoo-hoo, but under the circumstances, they were going to give me a pretty little baby at the end, so it certainly justified the teams of doctors, nurses, interns, janitors that had to see what's going on down there. But in reality, I am VERY modest, and VERY shy. (I will be soon fitted in my Amish clothing, surely!)

So imagine my utter horror when a BOY walks in with the doctor to assist in the biopsy! A young boy! Ok, don't be a pervert people, he was probably in his 20's. I must have been staring daggers at this poor boy because he never looked ONCE! He kept his back turned and was practically throwing the instruments over his shoulder to the doctor. Good boy! Then he walked off with my little uterus pieces and I never saw him again.

Yesterday I took a percocet and had a nice little nap. Percocet is my new BFF.

Woo hoo!

I have decided to join the ranks of Jazzercise Instructors once again. I had a 9 month hiatus and it's back to the tight pants and sneakers!

I originally thought I could be a student. I took classes for a few weeks and kept getting bugged by the instructors to reinstate....after Carlos started badgering me I really thought seriously about it.

So here I am...I have started the paperwork and hopefully will be teaching again soon! I absolutely love this program and am very happy to be teaching it again!

Love you all and see in you class soon!

This music video is HAWT!

Brace yourselves, people! Prepare to be dazzled!

Lost in Translation

Keep in mind, she's TRYING to say "sparkling wiggles".